This is an excellent article by Muthoni Wanyeki of the Kenya Human Rights Commission. It highlights the urgent question of ethnic discrimination and inequality in Kenya.

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Kenya: Loving Each Other Won't Cure 'Negative Ethnicity'

L. Muthoni Wanyeki
31 January 2010
opinion

Nairobi — Following the violence of 2007/8, a host of initiatives purporting to address what is wrongfully termed "negative ethnicity" came into being.Thus, parliament proceeded to pass the Ethnic and Race Relations Act, which established the National Cohesion and Integration Commission.

Parliament also established a new select committee on equality which was originally intended to address gender inequality but now also will address inequality in terms of ethnicity. The executive established a Ministry to address the long-standing underdevelopment of the north. And the Law Reform Commission of Kenya is sitting on another proposed piece of legislation, referred back to it by Cabinet, on equality and equal opportunities.

Citizens too have a host of initiatives of their own. One of the most interesting is Kikuyus for Change, which seeks both to understand why the rest of Kenya "hates" Gikuyus through inter-ethnic dialogues as well as why Gikuyus (or rather, the Gikuyu economic and political establishment) are so adamant about the need to hold onto power through intra-ethnic dialogue.

It joins a previous initiative of the Kenyan South Asian community, Awaaz, which seeks to do the same two things through the production of a magazine on Kenyan South Asians' history in the country. Meanwhile, the groundbreaking statistical and analytical work done by the Society for International Development on gender, income and regional inequalities continues to be followed through by the Ministry of Planning.

All potentially useful and well meaning. All, however, failing to get to the heart of the problem.

What is missing, I think, is a clear understanding of what equality and non-discrimination actually mean - and how, from independence on, the equality provisions in our current Constitution have failed to be realised by both the public and the private sectors.

What all of these initiatives do, with the possible exceptions of those by Awaaz and SID, is address so-called negative ethnicity from the perspective of whether or not we like each other. Not that that does not need to be done. Prejudices and stereotypes abound here - Gikuyus are greedy. Asians treat Africans like dirt and are, like the Gikuyus, too dominant in the economy. Luos are uncircumcised and thus unfit to rule. Luhyas are, as one Luhya politician infamously put it, "cooks and watchmen." Masaais (and all pastoralists) need to get with the modernisation agenda and settle down. Somalis are uncivilised and violent. Europeans are racist and treat their pets better than their workers. Etc, etc.

All these are, of course, untrue generalisations. And any initiatives that could begin to unravel just how they have evolved into common and strongly held belief systems about each other should be encouraged. Indeed, the Kenya Institute of Education should probably be ensuring this is done nationally through an expansion of the existing human-rights education component of the national curriculum.

But addressing prejudice and stereotypes will not resolve the problem - we simply cannot regulate how people feel about other people. What we can do is regulate whether and how those feelings translate into actions - into discrimination in the public and private sectors on the basis of those prejudices and stereotypes. And Kenyans discriminate as a matter of course - daily, routinely - in the public and private sectors. Although we, of course, don't call preferential treatment of our families, our community members discrimination.

How do we advertise? Who do we hire -then train and promote? Who do we contract from? Who do we want living in our properties? Who do we "facilitate" when it comes to access to public services or performance of public functions? And so on. Whether consciously or not, that is discrimination. Whether we accept it or not, the long-term consequence of this is inequality - both in opportunities as well as results.

The problem is that this sort of discrimination is so absolutely normalised that it doesn't even occur to most of those who experience it to challenge it and seek legal redress. And, even if they did, the legal remedies that exist are weak. Not for a lack of laws - apart from our Constitution's equality rights section, we have a plethora of legislation dealing with different grounds on which discrimination can occur - from gender to HIV status - as well as the different areas in which it does - from education to employment. But because we're either not aware of the laws or of how to invoke them in a manner that expeditiously resolves the immediate situation at hand.

What this means is two things. First, that our daily, routine experiences of discrimination become bitter, individual anecdotes, shared usually within our families and broader communities. And second, that as soon as we get the chance, we repeat the same behaviour - but this time in favour of our "own" - we are, after all, only informally remedying what we should have been able to remedy formally. Our expectation of being treated badly by others translates into our doing exactly the same thing. Whether we accept it or not, it is this - not whether we like one another or not - that has led to the tensions that exist within the country.

What we need, apart from the strengthened equality and non-discrimination provisions we expect in our new Constitution, is comprehensive legislation that doesn't just harmonise what already exists but that goes far farther to establish a workable complaints body - with the powers to effect real remedies for aggrieved individuals and groups, including systemic remedies. Will the bill pending at the Law Reform Commission of Kenya do this for us? We need to make sure that it will.

L. Muthoni Wanyeki is executive director of the Kenya Human Rights Commission

Strong words, aren't those? :) Well, now that I've grabbed your attention, take a look at this video. My apologies in advance if you don't understand Kiswahili, I will try to write out a transcript later and translate it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NDrsq7Uz_k&feature=player_embedded

I just read an interesting article by Renee Murray on the perceived increase in adultery by married women in Kenyan society. Some excerpts from the article and my thoughts on the same follow below:

"For men, having sex with a woman does not necessarily mean he has feelings for her. They have to try really hard to even remember the names of their ‘conquests’. That goes to show that when a man strays, sometimes it is purely about sex; no emotions, no feelings and sometimes, no names. That ironically does not mean that, dealing with a straying husband is any easier for the women."

I have never believed that straying could be purely ‘sexual.’ My sense is that every act of sex has a component of the emotional in it (unless of course we’re talking about a sociopath, and even then it’s debatable). When men cheat on their partners they feel guilty about it, and that changes the way they relate to their wives. That is why a large number of cheating men become cruel to and emotionally distant from their partners; other men go overboard, smothering their wives with kindness. In both cases, the men cannot stand the constant reminder that they have transgressed and, consequently, they act differently than they otherwise would.

"Most Kenyan marriages today end, not because men stray- they’ve been doing that since our father’s time- but because women are seeking that ‘forbidden fruit’ as well. Unhappy women in relationships go out there, in an effort to find that elusive happiness, and in the process they fall in the open arms of other men, who are too willing to fill that void."

I’m not in a position to comment about most failed Kenyan marriages, but I do think it is worth examining the reason why many women (and men) cheat: emotional need. We all experience this as humans. Indeed, the impulse to partner with somebody in the first place grows from this need. If you and your partner are well-matched, then you tend to meet each other’s emotional needs to a significant degree. But if something happens to disrupt the dynamic between you and one of you becomes emotionally disengaged, the other may start to feel lonely. This loneliness is what I think is at the root of many women straying.

Their husbands cheat on them, perhaps because of social pressure to be ‘manly men.’ Subsequently, the men feel guilty about cheating and withdraw emotionally from their wives. Their wives feel lonely and, if they are aware of the cheating, betrayed. Perhaps the average African woman would forgive her husband under these circumstances. But I’m willing to bet that even the most forgiving wife becomes cynical and hardened at her husband’s repeated transgressions. Sooner or later, she withdraws emotionally to protect herself. It is not hard to imagine this woman’s loneliness within her marriage pushing her to seek comfort in the arms of a man willing to direct some attention her way.

"The fact that men find this betrayal by their wives impossible to forgive, puts a damaging dent in marriages, making them almost irredeemable. See, a woman’s love is something special, because with this love comes total acceptance – something that all men seek. That love is not only receptive, but also nurturing. Somewhat like that woman’s touch, that turns something lifeless, and mundane, into something vibrant and beautiful. Men become obsessively jealous, when this special part of the woman that they feel belongs personally to them, is shared with another man. This does not help their ego one bit. It is never just about sex when a woman is unfaithful, it goes way beyond the physical aspect of a relationship; and that is why it takes a saint of a man, to forgive his straying wife."

I think it is true that men are generally less forgiving of cheating than women are. The points highlighted in the paragraph above explain why. Interestingly, these points suggest that some cheating men think of their wives as one would expect them to think of their mothers: They idealize their wives’ love for them, reckoning that this love will always be unconditional. It is natural and expected for a mother to love her children without demanding anything in return, but it is delusional to expect the same from a marriage partner.

The love that characterizes marriage often starts out as sexual attraction, and then develops because of the give and take between the man and woman. Marital love is not a given. It is constantly being renegotiated. Any man who expects his wife to live up to the ideal of a long-suffering martyr, is quite simply a man who does not actually know his wife. He may be married to his wife on paper, but in his mind, he is married to a fairy-tale creature.

"The lethal effects of a straying woman, are felt in the way she perceives the affair. When a man has an affair, he has the capability of leaving the affair out of his marriage, enabling him to live two, three, or even four (depending on the number of affairs he cares to have) separate lives, with those women. He is able to switch to 'loving-husband' mode, and block the other women out of his daily routine, until he has a need to ‘use’ them again. A cheating wife on the other hand, cannot detach herself completely from the affair; she brings the affair into the marriage. Anything small can make her think of the other man, and she can even begin comparing the sexual performance between her husband and the other man, therefore bringing the affair into the privacy of their bedroom."

To reiterate the point I made earlier, it is not possible for a cheating man to leave his affairs out of the marriage. The average man may have had more practice at compartmentalizing his escapades than the average woman, but even he ultimately suffers an emotional toll. Our culture is all too enthusiastic to buy into the myth that men are macho creatures for whom emotion bears little import. In truth, men are highly emotional beings, just like women. Evidence for this is already described in the preceding paragraphs: the fact that very few men are able to deal with the infidelity of their wives speaks volumes of their emotional vulnerability and their need to be shielded from the pain of betrayal.

"Forgiveness does not come easy, but men need to be reminded to pay attention to their women; because unlike them, women do not have affairs just for the thrill, or sex, they need a reason to cheat. Men should stop taking their wives for granted, and causing them to stray, it is about time they took responsibility; for the starring role they play in creating dysfunctional marriages."

I agree. I don’t want to come across like I am idealizing women or supporting infidelity by women. Infidelity, whether by men or women, is wrong. But I think there is too much of a discrepancy between the way society views cheating men and cheating women. Things have changed tremendously over the past few decades. More women are financially independent than was previously the case and marriage is no longer the necessary ‘goal in life’ for young Kenyan men and women. The playing ground has leveled somewhat. Our societal perceptions should evolve to accommodate those changes. If men and women develop more realistic understandings of each other’s needs and of what being in a relationship entails, then they will be better equipped to understand cheating when it does happen.

I just had the opportunity to watch the mini-series, "Shuga", an MTV Staying Alive drama set in Nairobi. It touches on sexuality and HIV/ AIDS.

I'm not sure how long it will be up; so you should watch it while you can:
Episode 1: http://vimeo.com/7775923
Episode 2: http://vimeo.com/7853396
Episode 3: http://www.vimeo.com/groups/28330/videos/7937927

My Kenyan sister, I never had the opportunity to meet you personally, but I speak for many people when I say you were truly an inspiration. The work that you did for this online community and for others will always be cherished. May God comfort your family and friends in this difficult time. You will be in our prayers. May you rest in Peace.